Our funny old ‘medical’ language

Next time they’ve run out of old magazines in Outpatients, pick up a newspaper and see how many of today’s medical terms could have another meaning.

For starters …….

• ARTERY – – – – – – – – – The Study of Paintings
• CEASARIAN SECTION – – – A Neighbourhood in Rome
• CAT SCAN – – – – – – – – – Searching for Kitty
• CAUTERISE – – — – – Made Eye-Contact With Her
• COMA – – – – – – – – – – – – A Punctuation Mark
• D & C – – – – – – – – – – – Where Washington Is
• DILATE – – – – – – – – – – – – – To Live Longer
• ENEMA – – – – – – – – – – – – – – Not A Friend
• FESTER – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – Quicker
• FIBULA – – – – – – – – – – – – – – A Small Lie
• HANGNAIL – – – – – – – – – – – – – – Coat Hook
• LABOUR PAIN – – – – – – – Getting Hurt At Work
• MEDICAL STAFF – – – – – – – – – – Doctor’s Cane
• MORBID – – – – – – – – — – – – A Higher Offer
• NITRATES – – – – – – – – Cheaper Than Day Rates
• OUTPATIENT – – – – – – A Person Who Has Fainted
• PELVIS – – – – – – – – – – –  Cousin To Elvis
• RECOVERY ROOM – – – – – Place To Do Upholstery
• RECTUM – – – – – – – – – Bloody Near Killed Them
• SECRETION – – – – – – – – – – Hiding Something
• SEIZURE – – – – – – – – – – – – – Roman Emperor
• TABLET – – – – – – – – – – – – – A Small Table
• URINE – – – – – – – – – Opposite Of Youre Out
• VARICOSE – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – Nearby
• VEIN – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – Conceited