Humour in Headlines

Sometimes Newspapers can give me an unexpected laugh.  The Polio Survivors’ Network has come up with the following genuine headlines, sent from their American colleagues, which might give you a lift when enduring yet another ‘bad hair’ day : 

Two convicts evade noose, jury hung.
Queen Mary having bottom scraped.
Panda mating fails – veterinarian takes over.
Eye drops off shelf.
Squad helps dog bite victim.
Enraged cow injures farmer with axe.
Lawmen from Mexico barbecue guests.
Two sisters reunite after eighteen years at check out counter.
Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say.

Some days you’re the pigeon and some days the statue
Some days you’re the bug and some days the windscreen

Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.